Spending more time on other people's kids...than on my own children

Mom's fight against Cancer has caused me to reflect on the approach I have taken to balance my working life with my personal life. In a nutshell? I have failed my family. When I think of how many "firsts" I missed because I put other people's children before my own, I experience much more than a mere "twinge" of regret.

For the first five years of my teaching career, I also served as assistant forensic's coach for a legendary teacher. He had championship teams because he dedicated his life and time to kids - and he expected the same amount of time from his assistant coaches. At the end of five years, I had helped coach state champions and added to the sterling reputation of my school's forensics team. I even have a "replica" of the state champions plaque from my final year as a coach hanging in my classroom.

What did my two daughters and my wife and my own parents get from this effort? Dad absent from dinner so we could have extended rehearsals in preparation for competitions. Dad absent from sledding so we could have "January Thaw" and prep for the upcoming season. Dad absent from recitals so he could travel to all-day forensics tournaments in in Algoma, Ripon, Stevens Point, and Winneconne. Dad absent from a concert so he could attend the end-of-season forensic's banquet. Son absent from a weekend Badger game or fishing trip so he could coach other people's children to victory.

I love teaching. In fact, I tell friends, family, and students that I do not have a "job" because I love teaching so much. As I reflect on all of the opportunities that I passed up to spend time with my own family, whether my Mom and Dad or my own children, I feel so guilty about the amount of time I have committed to other people's children at the expense of my own family.

I read a "story" recently that someone had shared through Facebook. For those of you without an account, here is that story about a lecture about life given by a philosophy professor. For much of 18 years, I have focused almost exclusively on the "pebbles" and the "sand" of life. I always thought there would be time for the "golf balls" of life, but like too many other people, I put the pebbles and sand in my mayonnaise jar, leaving not enough room for the important stuff: family, health, friends, and a feeling of well-being.

Balance. Remember that word.

Now that my Mom's cancer is Cancer, I realize, too late, that "If everything else was lost and only they remained, [my] life would still be full." I cannot get back missed time with my Mom and my family - make sure you don't miss that time in the first place.